law of attraction, psychology, Self Development, self healing
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Love; is it Always Conditional?

love me the way I want to be loved

love me the way I want to be loved

With so much hocus pocus around love, those with a spiritual bent have a real challenge accepting love for what it is, not because they are fussier than the rest of society but because too often  they see challenges in love as an indication that it isn’t the best love they could have. There seems to be an overriding ideal that a soulmate is a good love, that a twin flame is a special love and right there they have placed a condition on the love available to them. For those who don’t ascribe to the new age cliches there is less interest in giving love and more in taking it, and this i would say is the root of misguided love practices. Society is geared for change in the love relationship department, new laws around marriage are always in the news but, what is genuinely ignored is the ongoing and constant manipulation of property settlements. There is no doubt that we have less to say about who gets what than we do about who gets who.

There is so much effort put into splitting the treasure that it is evident that relationship breakdowns are not an unfortunate happenstance but an expected reality. My question is does’t anyone know how to give any more? There will always be relationship breakdowns but the numbers of them show clearly that there really isn’t enough thought or time given to getting to know someone before marriage or de facto commitments.  It seems to be a global pass time to get into living together to ‘see if we get on’. What a load of cobblers. if things are not going well you have no room to move, if you need some space to work things out there is no where to go and if you find it isn’t what you want, there is a world of effort in moving out after having moved in. What are modern couples so scared of that they can’t take the time to get to know each other? Please note, I didn’t say young couples.

As i see it conditional love is not about another person, it is about yourself. You are a protagonist of conditional love in your life if you are looking for what someone can do for you. When you want someone to make YOU happy, when you want someone to fit into YOUR dreams, when you want someone to fit their life around YOUR life, you leave little or no room for theirs. ‘I will love you as long as you fit into my ideal’, is the ultimate in relationship follies, just as expecting compromise subverts willingness when love comes into question, the difference being, you are not compromising anything when you are willingly making an adjustment. Why not look at the relationship line and see what strength and commitment it has. it certainly won’t survive being put on the line at every challenge whether that is in your mind, attitude or behaviour.

If you can’t ask yourself what is best for everyone involved and make changes accordingly you are likely to be a victim of self indulgence, but what are you indulging really when you make love and commitment conditional on getting your way? I don’t believe there is any such thing as unconditional love, there is just love and when exercised properly it is a wondrous thing, funny, painful, fulfilling and unsatisfying all at varying times, when love is understood it is the multiplicity of what and who we can love that creates the foundation of a loving and enjoyable life.  What love isn’t is a schedule of expected behaviours, withdrawal or inflicting of pain on another, it isn’t control or hard work, these are the reality of conditions, another person must toe the line or lose something of themselves to make you feel comfortable regardless of what it costs them, ultimately this type of conditional living will cost you your relationship.


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