Soul Mates: trying a new approach to love and relationships
Can you be open enough to allow that meeting someone and making a connection is about personalities and similarities? can you be open enough to the idea that the person who may be right for you does not fit your demographic of what a partner should be? Has it ever occurred to you that you might have so many conditions placed on love that it is no longer love at all but more an agreement to travel for a while with someone going in the same direction?
Lets look at Demographics, this is where your interests, your social activities and your career are all placed within a limitation (zone) that means you can only meet people(friends and potential partners) that move around in that zone. If you traditionally meet the wrong person or find that those attracted to you are not what you want it may be time to change the zones. Personality dictates to a certain extent what we are attracted to in the area of leisure activity, however we can extend our interests to encompass things we are not likely to want to do but happy to watch others doing or enjoying. That means go try things you normally wouldn’t, place yourself in a variety of spaces that are not the norm for you, this exposes you to different personalities, and different levels of development of those very same personalities.
Conditions, this is a huge whoa area for many, love is not conditional yet i hear and see conditions placed on it as a normal rather than odd part of love. Think about what love really is, if you have a partner you are resenting, it is a good time to take that in hand and remind yourself of the person they are and help them resolve what is going on inside themselves or ask for help if you need it, this is how we build trust. If you are wanting love in your life, ask yourself if you would be happy with love really. As an example if i were to say the man/woman that is perfect for you is a pot smoking person disinterested in work of any sort, but loved you deeply, would treat you well and never want to be with another, would you say okay! or would you start working out the kinks in their personality and decide they were not for you, or worse decide they were for you and set about trying to make changes rather than allowing them to make changes if that is what is right for them.
This would be the single biggest area of breakdown in many relationships. I have more stories than i would ever care to tell of clients who’s marriage breaks down when a partner decides to do something different, for example, begin a business, get a job or lose one or either. Even having children or not being able to can break down relationships where the conditions are so stringent that the partnership cannot survive any major changes in the fulfillment of their goals
I do not believe in predestiny simply because it is direct conflict with free choice/will. I believe we make soul connections when we are open enough to loving another person totally and without conditions, demographics and agendas. I also through many years of reading relationships found too often there is a lack of willingness to love another quite simply as they are. we do this with our children, family and friends but not with partners. A good question would be to ask why we have an expectation of a partner to do our will, be what we want or change for us rather than loving them for who they are, after all that is what we should have fallen in love with in the first place.
Trust: do you know how?
a mainstay in any relationship it is more powerful than love in making or breaking a connection
Everyone makes mistakes that can hurt others, but when a person continues in behaviours that are hurtful it is no longer a mistake, it is who they are. At this point it would be necessary to decide if that person really has a place or the right place in your life. We are told that if you love someone you need to forgive them the things they do to you, the question becomes, is that love or a lack of self love, if it is an ongoing behaviour.
Perhaps it was a lack of love for self that attracted another person into your life that was incapable of being honest or loving without an agenda, or wanting something from you rather than sharing themselves with you.
Whichever way you want to think about it, the likely scenario is that at some point one of you will feel disappointed, let down or betrayed. Usually we are fully aware of the pitfalls in engaging with certain individuals but do so anyway. The question then becomes are they letting us down or are we letting ourselves down?
Trust ,in a love relationship of any kind, is not about someone bending to your will, having affairs or gossiping behind your back. it is about trusting another person with you, that is the inner you that doesn’t get shared with all others, that piece of you that is reserved for that person alone, this is the one thing that two people can have together that sets their relationship apart whether lovers, friendships or family. For many this type of trust is reserved for certain individuals, a special friend, lover or close family member.
Trust means understanding at the deepest level that the person who loves you will never intentionally hurt you, and will rectify things when they do. they will not use personal knowledge as a weapon, and will not enter into power plays or manipulations at your expense, It also means honouring that principle your self