clairvoyant, law of attraction, psychic, self healing
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Soul Mates: Time for a Re-Think

Soul Mates: trying a new approach to love and relationships

For years we have heard the churning out of what a soul mate is, this has lead to many women and men having misconceptions and worse expectations that are just not realistic. We were all told that all you had to do was find your soul mate and you would be set for life. Then these relationships started breaking down and twin flames became the flavour of the day, built into this little marketing strategy for love was the intimation that this is much harder to find but so much more rewarding when you did. OOps and now these are starting to break down. Perhaps its time to take a look at connections V past lives and see how we do.If you have romance on your mind or are in a relationship you might want to look at the dynamic and how you relate to the opposite sex. From the perspective of all beings are interconnected, we are ALL soul mates. From a perspective of having a relationship then how we do relationships is a key factor, love is rarely the issue. The whole idea that you might reconnect with a past life relationship (more than mildly abhorrent, sort of like getting back with an ex while still having all the same old issues if you think about it) is not necessarily the best way to look for love. Who is to say that meeting the best match with someone you have never had a past connection, is not deficient of depth, but actually better by the very freshness of emotion and the choice involved in creating something new.

Can you be open enough to allow that meeting someone and making a connection is about personalities and similarities? can you be open enough to the idea that the person who may be right for you does not fit your demographic of what a partner should be? Has it ever occurred to you that you might have so many conditions placed on love that it is no longer love at all but more an agreement to travel for a while with someone going in the same direction?

Lets look at Demographics, this is where your interests, your social activities and your career are all placed within a limitation (zone) that means you can only meet people(friends and potential partners) that move around in that zone. If you traditionally meet the wrong person or find that those attracted to you are not what you want it may be time to change the zones. Personality dictates to a certain extent what we are attracted to in the area of leisure activity, however we can extend our interests to encompass things we are not likely to want to do but happy to watch others doing or enjoying. That means go try things you normally wouldn’t, place yourself in a variety of spaces that are not the norm for you, this exposes you to different personalities, and different levels of development of those very same personalities.

Conditions, this is a huge whoa area for many, love is not conditional yet i hear and see conditions placed on it as a normal rather than odd part of love. Think about what love really is, if you have a partner you are resenting, it is a good time to take that in hand and remind yourself of the person they are and help them resolve what is going on inside themselves or ask for help if you need it, this is how we build trust. If you are wanting love in your life, ask yourself if you would be happy with love really. As an example if i were to say the man/woman that is perfect for you is a pot smoking person disinterested in work of any sort, but loved you deeply, would treat you well and never want to be with another, would you say okay! or would you start working out the kinks in their personality and decide they were not for you, or worse decide they were for you and set about trying to make changes rather than allowing them to make changes if that is what is right for them.

This would be the single biggest area of breakdown in many relationships. I have more stories than i would ever care to tell of clients who’s marriage breaks down when a partner decides to do something different, for example, begin a business, get a job or lose one or either. Even having children or not being able to can break down relationships where the conditions are so stringent that the partnership cannot survive any major changes in the fulfillment of their goals

I do not believe in predestiny simply because it is direct conflict with free choice/will. I believe we make soul connections when we are open enough to loving another person totally and without conditions, demographics and agendas. I also through many years of reading relationships found too often there is a lack of willingness to love another quite simply as they are. we do this with our children, family and friends but not with partners. A good question would be to ask why we have an expectation of a partner to do our will, be what we want or change for us rather than loving them for who they are, after all that is what we should have fallen in love with in the first place.

Trust: do you know how?

a mainstay in any relationship it is more powerful than love in making or breaking a connection

To my mind the single most important aspect of any relationship. I have noticed often, when a person feels betrayed in some way love is not enough to keep things together, this goes for all types of relationships including parent/child.I believe accepting a person for who they are, (not some idealistic version) is vital to any good relationship although i am aware that i sometimes struggle with this myself, i have also learned that the level of acceptance i have for another determines the boundaries of the relationship.

Everyone makes mistakes that can hurt others, but when a person continues in behaviours that are hurtful it is no longer a mistake, it is who they are. At this point it would be necessary to decide if that person really has a place or the right place in your life. We are told that if you love someone you need to forgive them the things they do to you, the question becomes, is that love or a lack of self love, if it is an ongoing behaviour.

Perhaps it was a lack of love for self that attracted another person into your life that was incapable of being honest or loving without an agenda, or wanting something from you rather than sharing themselves with you.

Whichever way you want to think about it, the likely scenario is that at some point one of you will feel disappointed, let down or betrayed. Usually we are fully aware of the pitfalls in engaging with certain individuals but do so anyway. The question then becomes are they letting us down or are we letting ourselves down?

Trust ,in a love relationship of any kind, is not about someone bending to your will, having affairs or gossiping behind your back. it is about trusting another person with you, that is the inner you that doesn’t get shared with all others, that piece of you that is reserved for that person alone, this is the one thing that two people can have together that sets their relationship apart whether lovers, friendships or family. For many this type of trust is reserved for certain individuals, a special friend, lover or close family member.

Trust means understanding at the deepest level that the person who loves you will never intentionally hurt you, and will rectify things when they do. they will not use personal knowledge as a weapon, and will not enter into power plays or manipulations at your expense, It also means honouring that principle your self

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5 Comments

  1. Georgia says

    Perhaps it was a lack of love for self that attracted another person into your life that was incapable of being honest or loving without an agenda, or wanting something from you rather than sharing themselves with you. — this really hits the spot for me, Dorothy… very insightful!

  2. I fell in love with my first wife without ever hearing about the concept of soul mates. We promised to always stay together and even in heaven. (WE WERE 19 AND 21)
    I was trusting because I came from the shelter of a loving family but didn’t know how unfair her family had been to her. I was shattered when she took the kids, car, and furniture. When our daughter got married she said we could now be friends and I said never. Until recently I hadn’t put together her story and realized that she had a illigitimate baby taken from her by her family before we married and couldn’t trust anyone. Later our daughter died from diabetes complications and the ex died right after the memorial services (possible suicide) and I never discussed her lost child or learned that she couldn’t allow herself to trust me and I couldn’t forgive her for my pain.

    joecioppi (“day late and a dollar short”)

    • Your story shows the depth that is often missing in relationships and a clue as to why they go wrong. It is an awful thing to be denied intimate knowledge of your life partner when having that knowledge could change everything xx

      • I have been going over my life after a long life of mistakes and losses. One problem is my children thinking I am critical of them when I make suggestions. We have been discussing why I seem so negative from their point of view. Their mother’s suspicion of others may have passed down to them, but a son from a different wife (#2) finds me difficult but he is articulate and thoughtful and we have had many discussions.

        The fact is clear that until I have started trying to analyse my life I was ignoring a lot of facts I already knew and only thought about things from my perspective and not my loved ones. However, a lot of reasons and history is not known to me and I am suffering grief and regrets all the while I search.

        Now I have a friend who insists I mean a lot to her but isn’t in love with me as I have become with her. I have no clues about this situation other than she is 15 years younger and I’m sure see’s me as an old man (sadly true).
        It is painful to be alone with her so near. I’m trying to see her side and just spend as much time with her as I can without following her around. So far, helpful suggestions are change attitude, get a pet , get a hobby…ha, ha

        joecioppi

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